Risks & Recovering

Every decision a person makes is a risk.

Characters go through all sorts of changes in a novel, and things don’t just happen to them. It is the character’s decisions that drive the plot – it’s cause and effect.

This is the same as in reality.

All decisions, no matter how small, ultimately define who you are and your surroundings. A decision you make about one thing can unexpectedly have an effect on something unrelated.

After my car accident in January, I had to make many decisions. My car was totaled. I ended up with a concussion, whiplash, and issues with my hip and ribs. I also had other minor issues that fluctuated by the minute.

There is something fundamentally wrong with sustaining a brain injury and then requiring all sorts of paperwork almost right away.

There was no one to help me with it. No one was with me in my car, so they couldn’t fill out the information for me. I couldn’t write anything out by hand. I kept having the urge to write from right to left. Worse, writing by hand caused sharp pain in my head. Screens were also not ideal.

I couldn’t remember details of the accident, and they came to me slowly. I developed a short term stutter. My head was constantly experiencing “brain zaps” no matter what I did. A doctor told me to take a few days and the weekend off from doing anything, including school work. At the time I had been in my second and final semester of a post-graduate certificate.

That certificate was in Social Media Management. Every little thing about the program – screens, creativity, analytics, sound, etc. – were all massive triggers for my head. It was also a time-sensitive endeavour since we worked with real clients. The program also had a surprisingly heavy course load.

Admittedly, there is so much more to social media management than I had thought.

I worked with Accessibility Services and my program coordinator as my symptoms were ongoing. I ultimately decided to drop-out of the program. I had been focusing on my schooling and so I didn’t have a job outside of it either. I found myself with no car, job, school, or income of any sort.

Getting a job required more brain work than I was capable of. My payout continuously got delayed, both from the insurance company and then an error through the bank. I had to decide if I should buy a fully paid off vehicle with my payout. Alternatively, I could use a portion for a down payment and keep the rest in the bank “just in case.”

I decided on the latter.

I had applied for a publishing program over the summer even before the accident. However, there were complications during this time period as well. I kept hoping that by May my head would be better. Just over three months later, I’m still struggling with word recall, memory, directions, head pain, hip pain, etc.

I had contemplated returning to the Social Media program in the fall. I wanted to finish my second semester. However, seeing how Meta is doing right now, I am doubtful if I will. By January I had already begun to become disillusioned by it all. I even deleted all my Meta accounts and Tiktok. I still learned a lot from my first semester, which I’m sure will be beneficial in any future job that I get.

There have been notable improvements over the last few months, and some set-backs. It’s been frustrating and terrifying all at the same time. I’ve been taking it day by day. It’s been a lonely and challenging journey.

Last November I started to write a story for NaNoWriMo (RIP). I lost track due to a variety of personal issues. I became inspired by the many books I read in January while I was unable to take part in any other hobby. I spent a month world-building, followed by creating characters and interconnected plots.

The story morphed into something much bigger and nearly unrecognizable. It went from sci-fi to sci-fi/mostly fantasy. I developed so much lore I was able to expand my initial idea. It eventually became enough that I was able to plot out four separate books from it.

In February was when I started to write in earnest. With all my free time, I used writing as my outlet. All the emotions and loneliness was poured into my writing. I was able to write more than I ever had in my entire life. From February 24th to the end of March, I wrote just over 123,000 words. My momentum has slowed due to some life events, but I am currently sitting at just about 155,000 words. The risks I took since my accident allowed me to have this time to write something I feel truly proud of. I genuinely believed that this writing helped my mental state but also was a way for helping my brain recover.

The outcome is still to be seen. Obviously, I lost everything and every decision I make is important. This program is entirely online, which is beneficial for me. However, as it’s a condensed program, there’s also a heavy workload.

I have more support now in my life again, I have motivation… and I have fear. However, the only path is forward, and we will see where it leads me.

You can follow my progress on BlueSky.